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Dust It Off Blog Hop

May 5, 2012 by Suzi

If you’re looking for The Writer’s Voice, click here.

The Dust it off 3 day blog hop starts today, hosted by Cortney Pearson and Theresa Paulo. Check out their sites for the rules and to find the other participants.

 
Title: Beyond the Wake
Genre: Young Adult Contemporary
Words: 93,000 (yes, cutting is needed)
Status: Waiting to be revised
 
Yes, it needs some more work, but here you go…
 

Alexis was floating out in the water. Her long legs stretched out, her nose in a book.

All day she ignored me. I had to talk to her. I had to explain. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

She didn’t look up. “I’m busy.” Her tone said, go away.

“Please, Al, we need to talk.”

She sighed and slammed the book shut, then paddled over to me. I sat down on the dock and stuck my feet in the cool water.

“What do you want?”

I cringed at the harshness in her voice. There were so many things I wanted to say, but my brain wouldn’t work, almost as if I were still drunk. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” She scowled. “Do you even remember anything from last night?” Her eyes flared with anger.

“Yes. Everything.” How could I forget? The anger. The disappointment on her face. The tears.

“So what are you sorry for? Are you sorry because you ditched me and left me alone to fend for myself with people who were rude and drunk? Or are you sorry I found out you’re a pothead?”

I opened my mouth to defend myself. It was the first time.

She waved her book in the air. “Or are you sorry that you took what was supposed to be special. My first kiss with you… with anyone. And you turned it into something trashy?” She took a deep raspy breath. “I don’t like this side of you. I don’t like you when you’re drunk and I can’t date a pothead.” The tears welled up in her eyes. “I can’t see you anymore.” She blinked hard and paddled in to shore.

The door to the cabin slammed. Dammit. What the hell was wrong with me?

Her words repeated in my head. I took something from her. Her first kiss. I couldn’t even remember mine, who or when it was. But I wasn’t a girl.

Girls were sappy. Girls liked romance. Girls remembered their first kiss and wanted it to be special. She hadn’t wanted me to kiss her then. When I was drunk and high. I didn’t even ask. And she was the type of girl you needed to ask.

I was such a screw-up.


22 Comments »

  1. Danielle B. says:

    Oh those pesky boys! Always screwing up a girls expectation.

  2. Avery Marsh says:

    Poor guy. I hope he finds a way to make it up to her. (See how you pulled me into the story and made me feel for the guy who screwed up?) :P

  3. Wow, that girl is one tough chica! Glad she stood up to him! Great excerpt!

  4. Morgan Shamy says:

    You have a nice flow to your writing. It’s very natural and comfortable for the reader. Really nice work here! :D

  5. Nice scene… lots of good conflict between the two characters.

  6. Andrea says:

    Wow, excellent guys POV, and very well done! I could feel the emotions, the tension, the guilt.. I would love to read more!

    Andrea

  7. Rachel Schieffelbein says:

    Oh, I feel bad for her. I hope he can make it up to her. :) Nicely done.

  8. I feel a bit sorry for him, but I totally understand where the girl is coming from too. Nice excerpt!

    • Avatar of Suzi Suzi says:

      You might not if you saw all that he did. But then again, I guess I do too because I love his character and his struggles.

  9. Esther Jones says:

    Your characters are very real and engaging. Well done.

  10. Theresa says:

    I love me a screw-up. I could feel how sorry he was for what he did and I love that she didn’t forgive him. I’m a huge fan of strong characters especially strong female characters. I want to read more.

  11. I really enjoyed this! Your pacing is excellent. Letting out just enough info to keep me reading, discovery more along the way. Great job!

  12. Aw. I feel for both of these characters. There’s something endearing and realistic about it.

  13. E.Arroyo says:

    Nice. First kisses are so important. =)

  14. Kate Larkindale says:

    I loove boy POV. This is really well done.

  15. Oh, I love to pick inside boys’ head! Great excerpt!

  16. Carrie-Anne says:

    I hope he found a way to make it up to her. Men can be so dense and not get things even when they’re right under their noses! I loved your dialogue.

  17. Kelley Lynn says:

    Wow. This is great. Sounds like quite a dynamic relationship the two of them have :)

  18. Becky says:

    Ooh, she’s mad! I really feel his regret…this makes me want to see how their relationship develops :)

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