Tighten, tighten, tighten your writing. So I’m trying. Another word I looked at in The Proper Way to Say Goodbye is together. Here are a few examples where I deleted the unnecessary ones.
-When I stepped back, our elbows brushed together causing my face to flush. (Hmm, well brushing implies that they touched.)
-I clenched my teeth together. (As opposed to clenching them apart. )
-She clapped her hands together. (Again, can you clap your hands apart?)
-I’d get over my anxiety of seeing a girl, and we’d be sitting in her trendy apartment sipping wine together. (Well yeah, they’re both in the apartment, so they’re together.)
-He matched my pace, and we jogged together a short distance in silence. (Again, they jogging side by side, which would imply together.)
I just didn’t need the togethers in the above sentences. And I saw no reason to keep them in for the voice. So they are… gone!
Anybody else have togetherness problems?
December 7, 2012 by Suzi