Sloppy Writing 101.41

 
Tighten, tighten, tighten your writing. So I’m trying. Another word I looked at in The Proper Way to Say Goodbye is together. Here are a few examples where I deleted the unnecessary ones.
 
-When I stepped back, our elbows brushed together causing my face to flush. (Hmm, well brushing implies that they touched.)
 
-I clenched my teeth together. (As opposed to clenching them apart. 🙂 )
 
-She clapped her hands together. (Again, can you clap your hands apart?)
 
-I’d get over my anxiety of seeing a girl, and we’d be sitting in her trendy apartment sipping wine together. (Well yeah, they’re both in the apartment, so they’re together.)
 
-He matched my pace, and we jogged together a short distance in silence. (Again, they jogging side by side, which would imply together.)
 
I just didn’t need the togethers in the above sentences. And I saw no reason to keep them in for the voice. So they are… gone!
 
Anybody else have togetherness problems?

8 Responses

  1. That third one is a really good example because there’s another way to tighten your writing too. Some editors get really snarky about sentences like “She clapped her hands together” because not only do you not need “together”, but you don’t even need “her hands” – what else would she be clapping? Ditto, sentences like “he stamped his feet”.

    I haven’t thought about my use of “together” – but I’m going to check now!

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