Feb 04

 
Thank you to Cupid at Cupid’s Literary Connection for hosting the Blind Speed Dating Contest. Here’s my kissing scene entry.
 

THE PROPER WAY TO SAY GOODBYE
Contemporary YA

 
Setup: About 2/3 way through the story. Chloe (age 18) and Sasha (21) have just returned from visiting Chloe’s best friend, where she revealed for the first time (to anyone) that she is gay and that Sasha is her girlfriend. Now they are in Chloe’s room, and it’s the first time she will be sleeping in a bed with Sasha.
 

“Are you sure this is all right?” she asked. Her tank top hugged her breasts, both exciting and terrifying me. I needed new pajamas. Ratty t-shirts and shorts wouldn’t cut it anymore.
 
“Yes.”
 

“I promise to stay on my side.” Her grin reassured me, and she tugged the hair band off one of her braids. Then the second. She grabbed the braid to unwind it.

 
“Wait.” My mind spun a hundred different directions. Would she think I was weird?

 
She didn’t say a word as I scooted over—my knees barely touching her back. I took hold of one braid and slowly unwound it. Then the second. The scent of Sasha—her sweet peach lotion, filled my nose as I spread my fingers through her silky hair like I’d always wanted to. I could sit like this all night long but stopped, worried again she’d think I was strange.

 
Sasha twisted around and placed her hand on my cheek. Her fingers burned a tender trail down to my chin, and I wanted to freeze this moment, to gaze into her deep blue eyes forever.

 
Eyes that understood me. That accepted me. That wanted me.

 
Her hand gripped my neck, and her lips welcomed mine, making me feel like the only thing that mattered. Like I never wanted to breathe so I could just drink in her lips.

 
Sasha pulled back; her sigh resonated deep inside of me. Her fingers squeezed my knee, and even though she wore only a small smile, her eyes said she was feeling everything I was.

 
She turned away, but I didn’t want this to end. I pressed my body into hers, wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my chin on her shoulder.

 
Her smooth hands caressed mine. Those first days in class, I’d thought Sasha was perfect. She wasn’t. And I wasn’t either.

 
But this was… perfect.

 
“I love you, Chloe.”

 
Her words hung there, scaring me, but also filling me with a happiness I’d never known. I wanted this—her—more than anything, and I knew the words I would say were true.

 
“I love you too.”

 
That’s it. So go to Cupid’s site to see more entrants.

19 Responses to “BSD Kissing Competition Bloghop”

  1. Mike says:

    Wow, great scene. I had a feeling they were both girls. (Not to sound creepy) I thought this was great and handled very eloquently.

    I’m post 19. Any feedback would be most welcome.

  2. Morgan Shamy says:

    This was GREAT, Suzi! I’m so glad you’re participating in this! Nice work.

  3. Dana says:

    This is a really great scene! Enjoyed it!

  4. Love the scene! So nice to see another girl-girl kiss.

  5. This is such a sweet, poignant scene. Very nice, has a lot of heart and emotions. Love it! I liked your query/ first 250 words entry a lot too when we were in Round 3 together.

    I’m #7 if you want to take a look.

  6. Carissa says:

    Such a sweet scene. I particularly love the awkward tension where she wants to unravel her braid, but doesn’t want her to think shes weird!

  7. Amber says:

    This is a very romantic scene:) The only thing that made me a little uncomfortable were the ‘braids’, it made it seem like they were children? But it was very inoccent and sweet :)

    I’m #100 if you wanted to stop by :)

  8. I love your writing! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!

  9. Bonnie says:

    You won me over with these words: “Eyes that understood me. That accepted me. That wanted me.” This was a fabulous scene, approached with such tenderness that I couldn’t help but be captivated.

    Good luck!

  10. Jessica says:

    This seemed pretty deep for me. I think you did a great Jon conveying all the emotions, the need, the want, the anticipation and even the nervousness. Good job!

    Jessica #42

  11. Jamie K says:

    This is a great scene. I love the mixture of emotion and confusion with anticipation. You had some great lines in there too:
    Her fingers burned a tender trail down to my chin
    and
    Those first days in class, I’d thought Sasha was perfect. She wasn’t. And I wasn’t either.

    But this was… perfect.

    Well done! Good luck with your entry!
    From one engineer to another ;)
    Jamie (entry #3)

  12. Amber M says:

    The uncertainty in the beginning intermingled with the excitement of the kiss at the end made this such a sweet scene to read. I definitely agree with Bonnie above that the “eyes that accepted me” bit was my favorite part.

    Over all this is a really lovely scene. I loved the voice in the first 250 and I am so glad to see that it carries over to here. Awesome job!

    -Amber (#41)
    My Kissing Scene

  13. Larissa says:

    I really enjoyed this one. Loved her uncertainty, and her unbraiding Sasha’s hair was lovely. So sweet. Well done!

    Larissa (#47)

  14. Melonie says:

    Nicely done overall, but I liked this part best, “Her words hung there, scaring me, but also filling me with a happiness I’d never known. I wanted this—her—more than anything, and I knew the words I would say were true.” Excellent work creating this moment.

    Good luck!
    Melonie (kiss #29)

  15. Oh my HEART.

    She wasn’t perfect, but this was? Please. That’s the definition of sweet love, and you captured it in two sentences.

    I’m SO delighted to award this kiss THE SUGAR LIPS AWARD!!!! Congratulations!!! <3

  16. Annnnnnnnd I’m back! Congratulations, Suzi….I’m awarding this gorgeous kiss the

    WRITE IN THE KISSER AWARD!!!!

    *confetti*

    Gorgeous writing, dear. I really felt like I was in your MC’s head. Can’t wait to see this go far!!!

  17. Suzi says:

    Thank you everybody for your nice comments.

    And THANK YOU Leigh Ann. These types of scenes are not my strong point, and I really appreciate the vote of confidence!!

  18. Kissing Expert Kalen here to say that I have never been a teenage lesbian but I totes remember being a closeted little gay boy who was totes obsessed with my first boyfriend’s nipples and feeling like a total freaking weirdo because of it and thus for like Reasons Pertaining to Nostalgia and Recollections I award you the COLOR ME RED award for most embarrassing kiss, cuz I feel for your MC and her braid obsession, I do, I do.

  19. Suzi says:

    Thank you, Kalen.

    That part was actually only added a few weeks ago. (Even though I’m at the querying stage.) Wasn’t sure about putting it in, but I’m so glad I did.

Leave a Reply