Sloppy Writing 101.49
I stumbled onto a word I needed to work on. CAME. As I looked through The Proper Way to Say Goodbye, I noticed I either overused it when I could use a much better word and/or had several other characters using it.
-Chloe, come have a seat.
Sasha said this and I just took it out.
-But it still wasn’t on the wall when I came back.
When I returned. This an example of some I changed, any time came back = return. Made them consistent.
- The courage to tell him didn’t come until later.
I didn’t gather the courage to tell him until later. Isn’t that so much stronger?
-I asked, wondering where she came from.
I asked, wondering where she grew up. Cause really that’s what she meant.
-My heart came to a screeching halt.
My heart screeched to a halt. Again, stronger. (And I’m obviously one of those people who like to use body parts to do things. Like eyes dropping. Heart stopping.
Chloe still uses CAME a few times, because I just like how it sounds, but the other characters don’t. And here’s one example I didn’t change.
-I’d retreat to the comfort of my room and never come out.
LEAVE is probably a little cleaner, but I liked the double entrendre. (Chloe’s gay and not out.)
So I got rid of lots of CAMEs by replacing them with better words. Here are a few things I meant, when I used came: returned, attended (school), happened, grew up. And that’s just a few, I’m sure there were more.
Do you have a problem with came or come?