A to Z – Flu Birds
Last October after watching all the movies on TV before Halloween, I got the idea to do an A to Z on horror movies. I also have a story premise in the back of my head involving horror movies, so this fits into my research for that. So I’m going to talk about random horror movies.
First, I am no film critic, just a person who likes horror movies. And second, some of the posts may contain spoilers. So you have been warned.
Flu Birds (2008) (This is also listed as Flu Bird Horror)
IMDb Summary: A group of teenagers go on an excursion to the mountains. There, they are attacked by birds infected with a lethal virus. When the teens reach a nearby village, the haunting birds start passing their virus on to all the dwellers.
Cheese factor: High
Gore factor: High
Creep factor: Low
Could it happen? Doubt it.
So, if you ever see this movie advertised on TV, don’t watch it. There is good cheesy, and there is bad cheesy. This is horrible cheesy.
For many, many reasons.
You know that when the start of a story is not believable, the rest will be the same.
So seven juvenile delinquents (2 girls, 5 guys), plus one ass of a counselor are dropped into the woods for what? I don’t know. Survival training? These are kids taken out of juvenile detention—some for serious stuff, and brought on trip.
Don’t think so.
Apparently they hiked a long way to this clearing to camp. Because when the attack started, there was no roads to be found.
And their gear. They had tents. But the girl (in juvie for solicitation) was wearing no bra, a tight low-cut shirt, and cute white boots. Yeah, that’s camping in the woods gear. Are you kidding me?
Character clichés all over the place. The bad boy. The wannabe gangster. The slut. The fat boy. The tough girl.
Campy dialogue. Let me give you an example.
Drake is the pompous Homeland Security guy in charge of quarantining and finding the birds. PR is the hero park ranger
Drake: Listen to me carefully. These things are smart. How do we kill them? (Yes, this is the expert sent after the birds to eradicate them.)
PR: Ahh, birds are tough. Their ancestors used to rule the world. (Is it really time for a science lesson?) Listen Drake. Here’s another possible problem. Birds will migrate short distances in search of food and water. (Birds, really? I didn’t know that. And neither did the guy sent to destroy the mutant birds.)
Drake: Short distances?
PR: Yeah. 90 to 100 miles. (Good thing birds only migrate 90-100 miles; the rest of the world will be safe from an attack.)
Drake: Dammit. There are four million people living 90 miles south of here. (Damn, if the town had only been 110 miles away, they would’ve been okay.)
More setting problems: The kids end up in a hunting cabin in the woods. Electricity. Food. Running water. And meat curing out in the shack. Yet there are no roads. Maybe the hunters used helicopters.
A car stuffed with people not wearing seatbelts rolls in an accident. And they all walk away unscathed. Not even a scratch or bruise. Despite the broken glass and um… an upside down car.
Mr. Tough Homeland security agent quarantines the hospital where someone has bird flu. Nobody in. Nobody out, he says repeatedly to a doctor and the PR when they walk out of the building. So he won’t let them back in. But he lets them leave. The two people who were TREATING the guy with bird flu.
I could go on and on. But I’m sure you can probably figure out what I think of this one. Please don’t waste your time if you ever run across it. Instead see some of the F movies listed below.
Other F movies I recommend: Friday the 13th, low numbers of sequal=good, high numbers=bad; Freaks (an interesting old black and white movie); Final Destination, can you change what’s meant to be?; Frozen, stuck on a chairlift overnight in freezing temps, interesting premise, but dumb characters.