Jan 12

So a while back I wrote a pretend letter to my future (and current) CPs about how wonderful a CP I am. Okay, it wasn’t really that, but it was about how I do things… kinda. And it’s funny. Really. Go read it if you want.
 
But now a year later, I’ve realized something else.
 
I am much harder on my CPs than I am on published authors. And sometimes I feel bad about that. I can get picky about things when critiquing. Little things. Things that are subjective. Not typos and grammar.
 
And sometimes I’ll debate, should I write this, especially when it’s so subjective? Usually I do, but I tend to put my disclaimer on there. The I’m not an expert, but…. Or the I’m not really sure, but here are my instincts about this. Or the I don’t remember a reference to this, but I could’ve missed it comment. Just to name a few.
 
So here’s some examples of what I mean by being harder on my CPs.
 
1. With a dual POV story. Sometimes I’ll run into a phrase that both characters are using. It’s not exactly an unusual phrase or anything, but it’s something that could be said different ways. (I hope that made sense.)
 
I know that friends often use similar words and phrases because they’re around each other a lot, but my opinion on that for writing is different. You want to make sure that their voices are not too close to each other.
 
So was using that phrase wrong? No. Not at all. But my subjective opinion says, don’t do this.
 
Now when it comes to reading books, either Kindle or real book, do I pay attention to that?
 
No.
 
Of course, I have to like the voice to read a book, but honestly, I don’t pay close attention to dual POV voices and see if they’re too similar.
 
2. Sometimes I’ll see a vague detail mentioned about a supporting character. And then it’s referred a second time, but it’s not fully explained. But since I’m seeing it referenced that 2nd time, my mind starts to wander. Is this important? Why aren’t we hearing more about it? Will something happen at the end that relates to this tidbit of information or is it just a small detail slipped in twice?
 
So I’ll probably say, “What’s up with this? Why are you holding back? Is this important because you’ve mentioned it twice, and I really want more info here.”
 
There was nothing wrong with what they did, but my mind is wandering off into directions that might not be important.
 
But again, would I do that with a novel I read on my Kindle?
 
No. I’d gloss over it and keep going. So really, I’m being harder on my CPs than I am on published authors and their books. And I kinda feel guilty, bad for my CPs cause there might be a lot of comments in their critique–many of which are just my opinion about the matter.
 
I have a theory to why this happens.
 
1. When I’m critiquing, I’m reading it slowly. I’m thinking more about the what and why. When I’m reading for fun, I’m reading quickly. I’m not analyzing characters and things on each page. I’m just reading to enjoy a story.
 
2. When I’m critiquing, I’m reading on a computer. Which makes things stand out more. When I’m reading for fun, it’s in a book or on the Kindle—once again making it easier to read quickly and sometimes skim.
 
I have a feeling that if I could take those published books and put them in Word and then go through and critique them, I bet I’d find a lot of things to mark too. It’d actually be fun to do, but I don’t know any way to do that.
 
So anyways, to the amazing CPs whose stories I get to read, I hope you don’t mind me being so nitpicky. The way I look at it is, I’d rather say my comment, even if it’s totally subjective, than not say it at all. Cause what if it was a mistake on your part?
 
Well then you’d be eternally grateful for my help. And really, who doesn’t want that? :)
 
Are you harder on your CPs than the authors of books you read for fun?

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Jul 14

 
Are you one of those people who is overwhelmed with self-publishing? Right now I’m committed to trying to find a literary agent and one reason is that I don’t want go through the whole learning curve for self-publishing. The other is that 100% of the marketing is up to you.
 
If you want to jump self-publishing but are scared to take that first step in, my friend Jade just started a new business, Black Firefly, that you should check out.


It looks really cool because they can help you with whatever you need: editing, cover design, marketing: all those steps that come after you’ve finished writing your story.
 
I’m really excited to see her new venture because this is something that so many people could use. And… she’s offering a terrific giveaway, so go check out her site and see if it’s something you might be interested in.
 
Twitter | Pinterest | Facebook | Goodreads

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Jun 30

 
So I have this little thing I do, and I’ve often wondered if it’s just me, but before I get to it, I’d better give the background.
 
(FYI: If you’re a speech therapist, please read this and tell me if you have any insight into this odd problem.)
 
Back when my son was little, I read him this book over and over—as usually happens with children. Thomas and the Big Big Bridge. One time I was reading the story to him, I realized there’s this line where I transposed one word. I didn’t skip it, but I moved it to another place in the sentence.
 
The next time I’m reading, I noticed I did the same thing again. And it happens again and again. Almost every time I read that sentence, I automatically moved that word.
 
Since I was reading aloud a lot, I noticed I did this in other books too. It’s like I move a word to another spot, where obviously it sounds/flows better. While I’m reading, I’m completely conscious of the fact I move words, but I’m not moving them on purpose. It just comes out of my mouth that way. (This might happen once per book on average.)
 

Image courtesy of Master isolated / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


What is wrong with my brain? Is this why I hated reading aloud in high school? Do I have some weird dyslexic-type thing where people do this? Am I the only one?
 
Now I know I’m not really dyslexic cause I’ve always been a good reader/writer, and I loved English classes and generally did well in school.
 
And now that I’ve become a writer and have found I love critiquing, I’m starting to wonder if my brain is so smart and advanced that it’s automatically editing the text before it passes them along to my mouth. I mean, that makes perfect sense, right?
 
No, but seriously, it’s the weirdest thing, and I have no clue why it happens? Do you ever do this?
 

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Jun 23

 
I was wrong. It happens sometimes. Well actually, it happens a lot in my writing, but luckily I’m discovering how to right those wrongs. I’m learning.

Image courtesy of ningmilo FreeDigitalPhotos.net

One of the things we’re supposed to do in writing is to vary sentence length. I thought I was doing so, but I was wrong. I’ve gotten several comments from agents and others about my short, choppy sentences, much to my surprise, so I decided to take a look.
 
First, I looked to two authors/books I really admire. Such a Rush by Jennifer Echols and JH Trumble’s Don’t Let Me Go. I did my super scientific analysis of multiple pages, by counting the number of sentences that were approximately one line in length and the sentences that were less than ½ a line in length. Then I counted several pages in The Proper Way to Say Goodbye.
 
Imagine my surprise ( ;) ) when I found that, huh—I had way more short sentences than them.
 
Echols/Trumble’s Results
1 line sentences per page: Range of 6 to 12, with average of 8.
½ line sentences per page: Range of 2 to 6, with average of 3.
Approximately 1/3 of the lines being ‘short.’
 
Suzi’s Results
1 line sentences per page: Range of 7 to 17, with average of 12.
½ line sentences per page: Range of 4 to 11, with average of 8.
Approximately 2/3 of the lines being ‘short.’
 
My next analysis was made by Word and their neat feature which counts average words per sentence. According to many sources on the web, here are the general guidelines.
 
Average words per sentence
< 14 is too many short sentences
14 to 22 is where you want to be
> 22 is getting too wordy
 
Guess, where I came in? Bet you won’t.
 
Eight. Yes, 8. And < 14 is supposedly too short. Now, I understand some of that is dialogue, which I consider different than narrative, but even so, it's too short.
 
Varying sentence length is important because when too many sentences are short, the writing might be choppy and ideas may be hard to follow. Too many long sentences might mean there's too much detail, also making it hard to follow.
 
So I guess I'm going to be doing some revisions.
 
How about you, have you ever analyzed your sentence lengths?
 

Image courtesy of ningmilo FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Jun 07

 
As writers we are supposed to tighten our prose. There are so many unnecessary words out there that plague my stories; I end up spending more time editing than writing. Way more. But we also need to develop that elusive voice and make sure it’s not blah/boring–which can happen if you just go in and automatically cut all these words. Finding that balance is tough, but I’ll keep working on it, keep learning, and hopefully you’ll learn something new too.

 
Here is one word that doesn’t usually show up on the words-to-avoid lists, except mine.
 
TIME.
 
I went through The Proper Way to Say Goodbye to look for unnecessary usage of TIME, and surprisingly, I found quite a few. Sometimes the word was repeated too often within a few paragraphs, other times I replaced it with cleaner words. Here are my examples.
 
-We didn’t hang out all the time.
I changed ‘all the time’ to ‘a lot.’ Not a huge change, but I’d repeated ‘all the time’ 3 times in 8 paragraphs during that scene.
 
-She listened intently, smiling a few times at the mistakes I corrected.
A few times is unnecessary.
 
-The others cleared their throats and fidgeted until it was time to leave.
I changed ‘it was time to’ to ‘they could leave’. Much cleaner.
 
-He sang that dumb song all the time when we were younger.
I changed ‘all the time’ to ‘a lot’.
 
-Didn’t have time to take my medicine.
 
Changed ‘Didn’t have time’ to ‘Forgot’, because in this sentence the slight difference doesn’t matter.
 
I got rid of about 60 TIMEs, which is quite a few. Do you unnecessarily use TIME in your manuscripts?
 

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May 24

 
As writers we are supposed to tighten our prose. At the same time, we need to develop that elusive voice and make sure it’s not blah/boring. Finding that balance is tough. The point of doing these posts is to show the ways I’m trying to clean up my writing. There are so many unnecessary words out there that plague my stories; I end up spending more time editing than writing. Way more. So here are some of the things I look for.
 

FINALLY is another adverb often used unnecessarily. Using it in dialogue is different, but I try cutting the ones in the narrative, unless it’s important. Here are some examples of FINALLYs I cut from The Proper Way to Say Goodbye.
 
-I told Murphy about when I finally confessed the truth to Brock
 
 
-The truth finally bubbled out, mixed in with apologies for not being honest.
 
 
-I told Sasha I finally wrote it.
 
-Because I finally admitted to myself I was a lesbian.
 
None of these FINALLYs are necessary, and I cut out a little more clutter. Do you use FINALLY a lot?
 

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May 10

 
I haven’t done any sloppy writing posts for a while, but trust me, I still have lots of issues to fix. The point of doing these posts is to point out ways I’m trying to clean up my writing. There are so many unnecessary words out there that plague my stories, I end up spending more time editing than writing. Way more.
 
As writers, we are supposed to tighten our prose, but we also need to develop that elusive voice. We want to get rid of all those unnecessary words, but we don’t want our voice to be blah/boring.
 
Finding that balance is tough, but I’ll keep working on it, keep learning, and hopefully you’ll learn something new too.
 
Two (often) unnecessary words I use are outside and inside. They can easily be cut without changing the meaning. And really, most of those times, it’s just redundant saying outside/inside. You’ll see what I mean in my examples below, all from The Proper Way to Say Goodbye.
 
-Her empty voice matched the way I often felt inside.
 
-I clenched my fists trying to control the anger inside.
 
-Nervous couldn’t begin to describe my feelings inside.
 
Apparently I mostly overuse inside when it comes to feelings. And really, does anyone have feelings outside their body? No.
 
-The cool air outside was a welcome relief.
 
I didn’t have as big a problem with outside, but this is one I could cut. You know from the prior sentences that she is outside, so I just don’t need it here.
 
Do you have an outside/inside problem?

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Mar 29


 
SORT OF and KIND OF often appear on the lists or words to watch out for. They’re often unnecessary and can easily be deleted. Even if you want it in there as the character’s voice, you should avoid using it too much.
 
I went through The Proper Way to Say Goodbye and deleted a bunch. No, I didn’t delete all of them from the narrative, and I left most of them in the dialogue, but I still found a lot I didn’t need. Here are my examples.
 
-I hesitated, deciding it’d be okay if Devyn sort of thought we were dating.
 
-When people find out about Brock, it sort of scares them away.
 
-Felt some sort of responsibility to me.
 
-Although I did sort of miss her music and singing.
 
In all of the examples above, the sort of doesn’t add anything, so that’s why I deleted them.
 
Do you use sort of or kind of a lot?

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Mar 22

 
To be verbs. They always show up on the list of words you should avoid. To be verbs can often make a sentence weak or passive. And many sentences can be improved by using a stronger verb. A more descriptive word.
 
So the ones you want to look for are: is/am/are/was/were/be/been/being. Here are some of my examples from The Proper Way to Say Goodbye that I changed.
 
-Being a shrink, he was an expert in interrogation techniques.
Being a shrink qualified him as an expert in interrogation techniques.
 
-Most of the room had cleared before my bag was packed.
I packed my bag while most of the room cleared.
 
- Her face and voice were never far from my mind.
Her delicate face and sexy voice never strayed far from my mind.
 
-and I committed to running every morning, no matter how hard it was.
and I committed to running every morning, no matter how hard.
 
-This was ridiculous.
Ridiculous.
 
You can see how getting rid of the was/were makes and replacing it with a better verb makes a stronger sentence. Was is one of my tough words. I’ve gone through trying to eliminate them. It’s a lot of work, but hopefully my writing is a little better because of it.

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Mar 15


I’ve got a word to watch for that I’m sure some will be surprised about. WHEN. I’ve seen a few writers’ blogs talk about this, and once I started to look at my manuscript, I could kinda see it.
 

The problem with WHEN is, sometimes it turns a sentence into a telling sentence. Take this example from The Proper Way to Say Goodbye.
 
-I took a step backwards when a redhead with pale skin swooped up to me.
 
The action is backwards. The redhead swoops before Chloe steps back. And maybe in past tense it’s not as big of deal as in present, because in past, the story has already happened, and the narrator knows the outcome and is retelling it. Whereas present is happening right now.
 
But the other part is that using it as I did above sort of pulls you away from the action. Detaches you from the narrator. Chloe is telling me what happened. She’s not showing me. And it puts a distance between her and the reader.
 
Sometimes it doesn’t matter, but when it’s a scene where you really want the reader to connect with your character, you want them to feel what’s going on, and not just listen to a character narrating.
 
Back to my example. Here is my fix:
 
-A redhead with pale skin swooped up to me, and I stepped backwards.
 
Just a reversal of order. But I changed this one because, although you don’t see the context, Chloe is taking a big step, doing something she’s totally nervous about. Something she keeps questioning whether or not to do. So I want the reader right there, feeling her uncertainty, her anxiety.
 
You don’t have to go and delete all your WHENs. Some are fine. But when you want the reader to feel that connection with the character, make it more active by not using WHEN.
 
Here are a few more I changed.
-I shook my head when Gracie nudged me to talk.
-My heart did a jumpstart when Sasha scooted her chair closer to mine
-A little ping of jealousy zipped through me when she leaned toward him and laughed.
 
I want you to experience the emotion she’s feeling, and that’s why I changed these ones.
 
So what do you think? Can you see how WHEN can be a telling word?
 
If my explanation doesn’t make sense, see Janice Hardy’s site for her explanation, which is much better than mine.

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